30 April 2009

I am the Ugly One (and why Adam will win AI)

I wrote this awful post the other day regarding an encounter I had with a stranger at a pub. I said such mean things in a voice that was not my own but one of absolute, unrestricted anger. I would not be proud of anyone seeing that and when I imagine my partner reading such things and thinking I'm a maniac or my gorgeous professor ever coming across this blog it makes me stop and think: I should always write from a place of love or at least a place of understanding. I will from now on. Maybe I will even try to speak once again to the person that brought up all that hatred in me. Luckily, I have deleted the entry so no further explanation is needed. All that is needed is beautiful music and there's plenty of that.

Also, I have to address something else a very perceptive reader brought up. He thinks I have "American Idol Turret's Syndrome". I don't think I have a problem with that but I would like to go one further and show you why: Entertainment Weekly's American Idol Central

It is insane. I think Michael Slezak is my hero. Really. I love watching him interview past contestants on his Idolatry series and I usually agree with the keen observations he makes 'week after bloomin' week' as he would say. And even if I disagree with something, I'm always in tune with his impeccable, conversational writing. I would give my entire cheap Forever 21 jewelry collection to be friends with him. I would only hope that I could keep up.

And on a night when Kara DioGaurdi's love puppet, Matt Giraud, was kicked off after his "nine lives" as he put it, and the one and only Mr. Adam Lambert was faced with the bottom two after never being there in his entire life, it is only fitting that I mention something about this situation.

It was obvious Matt was going home first of all. Everyone knew that and I don't even think office pools were running this week - there was basically no point. He had several chances and making it to the top five was really like winning for him. Just as Mr. Sleazak from EW has his passionate obsession with Kris Allen, I had mine with Giraud almost the entire season. I was willing to bypass that Viva La Vida thing after Hollywood week and his unusual Songs from the Cinema escapade until forever if that's what it took to get him to the number two spot - the only place he could acceptably go. Unfortunately, his good looks continued to be the only constant in his performances. Some fell really short, vocally, and since the beginning of time we all knew that the world would surely fall to pieces if Adam didn't win the entire circus. He had Jamie Foxx crying! (who I loved by the way - BEST mentor of them all). Although I'm positive that Matt deserved that top four spot much more than Kris who did nothing with a great song on Tuesday. Matt is an artist and will do really soulful, interesting music elsewhere much better than on a singing-only competiton like American Idol where fantastic artistry in other formats isn't wholeheartedly appreciated.

It's funny because Ryan Seacrest mentioned something in his opening monologue on Wednesday - the results show - along the lines of, "Will your favorite be voted off tonight?" and that is generally what this show is about. It is always a great group of singers with one sticking out to specific people and that's why we vote for them over another but this season is different for me. There is Adam Lambert and then there is whoever you may believe to be your favorite. Matt was my favorite but certainly not at the price of Adam. He is the winner and then there's a number two. I don't even want to talk about Adam Lambert here - it's not the right setting. If you've heard him sing and do not know what I mean than there is nothing I can say to change your mind. My measely words are nothing in the face of that voice. And what's so wonderful is that it is just that: VOICE. This, as Randy likes to point out, is a singing competition and Adam's unbelievable instrument is his greatest gift.

Some have pointed out that Adam's face sometimes looks a little big in the camera. My mother, on the other hand, thinks he's the cutest thing since Bugs Bunny. I think something in between I guess. I have never once considered his looks while he's performing. His sexual orientation is something I talk about occassionally but that's my own ignorant curiosity. Nothing on earth, whether he was secretly a woman, alien, fuzzy chipmunk, or a combination of all three, could take away from his amazing gift that he's kind enough to share with the world. I understand the connotation of that phrase most in the context of Adam Lambert. He is better than all previous winners combined and probably better than every singer in every jukebox from here to Southern California. I can listen to "Mad World" on repeat for a half hour straight and I could definitely listen to his voice everyday for the rest of my life and have no problem whatsoever - those would be good days.

Here is the ONE AND ONLY concern I have regarding Mr. Lambert: He has such an undeniably special, precious, one of a kind voice that we have, until this point, only heard in equally specatacular songs. He has a knack for picking classics and using his voice to turn them into ... something otherworldy that has yet to be defined.

Can he possibly write songs as well as he can sing?

And the answer is: no way. He would have to be the most amazingly gifted songwriter on the planet to balance out that voice. I doubt he's been blessed with both because other than Robert Plant, who is? And I don't have enough faith in Linda Perry or Diane Warren or any of those other cheesecakes to write good enough songs for him either. I almost want him to do an entire album of covers like Rod Stewart's American Songbook series. Why not? He's destined to do well regardless so why not certify that he'll make quality songs? We'll see I guess.

Enough of that. Top four is Rock Week with Slash as the mentor and hopefully two songs from each contestant. Excuse me while I go purchase Matt Giraud's "My Funny Valentine" and possibly Adam's older "Born to Be Wild" if not for just his crazy phrasing of "I like smoke and lightning, heavy metal thundaaa!"

Still much, much love to Matt. Too sad.

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