On a particularly long bus ride today, I couldn't help but notice a young man all decked out in Rutgers regala listening to something intently on his headphones. What struck me about this was his expression that never really faded from fascination. He looked like the kind of guy that needs to make sure his socks are always clean and his sneakers are always in fashion but aside from that, a really simple person. Maybe he plays on the football team or some other wacky sports team. He kept his hands in his pockets and just listened to whatever was on that iPod.
Going to Rutgers, it's obvious that I always see people walking with headphones in and if I'm in close enough range I try to sneak a peek at whatever they're shuffling around on their little music players but not all of them seem so enthralled in their music. I imagine for most it's just a distraction from noisy bus engines and little girls chattering. Sometimes someone will have their music up so loud that I'm able to distinguish it as Katy Perry or Jay-Z but rarely do I hear something unique or outstanding. Just as clothes make a man, so does music. Whatever this young person was listening to determines a lot about what he was thinking at the time and the meaning behind that facial expression that was plastered on his face. Imagining it was Willie Nelson's "Stardust" album as opposed to Nickelback's "Greatest Hits" changes the value in my head. And not because one sound is better than the other, just that if it were something completely random and unexpected that gave him a particular jolt of sadness or remembrance of something in his life, it would have a more significant value to my imagination. I'd be disappointed to find out he was just zoning out while listening to Wiz Khalifa. It's rare in life that we get any profound moments of time and yet music really does contribute greatly to those rare occurences. It is often when I'm listening to music that I get those feelings I don't know how to explain. That's why I've always found music to be the most difficult thing to write about and therefore the most challenging. Not only do you have to feel inspired but you have to know how to put it into words and certain feelings just don't have accompanying words to express them. This person's facial expression today encompassed a lot of what I feel when listening to my favorite music and there's no way I could explain it on a little blog. I'm always looking for big moments in life but then when they come around they're too big to go home and write about. It's the smaller times that are the easiest.
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
21 February 2011
09 November 2010
Where For Art Thou, Amazon?
It has been about three weeks since I wrote anything on this blog. I'm not sure why to be honest. I've been listening to so much good music there really isn't an excuse. Although I'm still a devout believer in iTunes, my enthusiasm is waning. In weeks past, particularly with the legal elimination of Limewire, I've been searching for a reliable yet cheap method of acquiring mp3's. And then out of the corner of my eye I spotted Amazon.com, a friend that had always casually been there but suddenly our relationship was becoming something more...
I'm having a love affair with Amazon and their brilliant Digital Download department. I'm so angry at myself for not realizing it before. They have an unbelievable, almost guilt-inducing amount of free downloads (that are actually really good!). Like any passionate affair, I'm not sure of its origin. I think it was innocent at first - I noticed that Of Montreal's "Sex Karma" single featuring Solange was a "free download of the day". Since I'm the king of sexy music and I love both artists, I figured I'd use it as a sample download to see if Amazon was even compatible with my aging laptop. Surprisingly all Amazon required from me was to install a very small program on to my computer in order to automatically transfer any of my purchases on to iTunes and bam: I was the proud owner of free, legal music.
All at once I realized something in my heart was changing. I would wait with baited breath until I could get home each night and search for more free/cheap music on Amazon. As my laptop lay on my chest and caressed the skin of my fingertips with every new song I bought, I knew this was something good. It just kept going - the recommendations I was getting for FREE songs that I actually wanted to own were blowing my mind. An entire album of 2010 Merge Record hits? Yes. A new Badly Drawn Boy single? Don't mind if I do. Chaka Khan singing James Bond theme songs? Yes, yes, yes! Even my recommendations matched my quirky personality. It was a match made in heaven.
So we're up to date. As I sit here listening to a live track from Lambchop (the band, not the lovable puppet) that was free and completely unexpected, I feel content in my musical accomplishments - although I have not been sharing them. You know how it is with a new relationship, you want to keep all the love to yourself. But now I'm ready to talk about it. Amazon and I are together. I'm sorry iTunes, you tax all your overpriced songs. I wanted to buy Cee Lo's new record from you today but you insisted on $1.29 a song when Amazon was asking a flat fee of 0.99. What am I supposed to do? You would do the same thing.
It might seem a little silly to compare music sites to lovers but you know I'm starting to think they're not too far off. The feeling I get from a sensual song is somewhat similar to the sensual feeling in real life. Because I was in the loving spirit I bought a lot of songs from Amazon today in addition to my free downloads, one of which was "Private Eyes" by the incomparable Hall and Oates. I know it's embarrassing that I didn't own it before (although I have on vinyl for many years) but it always seemed less important than other H&O songs. Now I just want to complete my collections of every artist I love. ANYWAY, it is such a sexy song - and "Do What You Want, Be What You Are", also by Hall and Oates. I wouldn't even know this song existed if it weren't for Amazon. I've amassed 56 songs in the past week because of these people. I'm pretty excited for our future together.
If we're being honest though, my emotions have been shifting back and forth frequently over the past three weeks I have been absent from this blog. There have been so many incredible highs but mentally several lows that I'm not sure how to explain. Music is a great reliever of pain and tension but sometimes it accelerates it. When you're in compromising positions mentally certain lyrics set you off just so and you can't listen to them. Lately I've been unable to relate to most songs because I'm not sad or angry or anything very strongly (except romantically charged). I mean Usher's "Trading Places" and N.E.R.D.'s new single "Hypnotize You" are definitely working with that theme but I'm in a deeper state than that somehow. It's not worth explaining as I don't even need an explanation. Actually, I'm also in a recent quest to find songs that are completely unrelated to relationships/love. The National are always good for this as very often their themes are a bit larger than mere love, it's much more nationally (no pun intended) and economically charged with a lot of lyrics trying to decipher the woes of growing older and getting up just to work and "live". I'd like to find other bands like this. It's tough because even the greatest songwriters turn to love more than absolutely anything else. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to hear about it though.
I'll leave you with all of this brilliance below:
I'm having a love affair with Amazon and their brilliant Digital Download department. I'm so angry at myself for not realizing it before. They have an unbelievable, almost guilt-inducing amount of free downloads (that are actually really good!). Like any passionate affair, I'm not sure of its origin. I think it was innocent at first - I noticed that Of Montreal's "Sex Karma" single featuring Solange was a "free download of the day". Since I'm the king of sexy music and I love both artists, I figured I'd use it as a sample download to see if Amazon was even compatible with my aging laptop. Surprisingly all Amazon required from me was to install a very small program on to my computer in order to automatically transfer any of my purchases on to iTunes and bam: I was the proud owner of free, legal music.
All at once I realized something in my heart was changing. I would wait with baited breath until I could get home each night and search for more free/cheap music on Amazon. As my laptop lay on my chest and caressed the skin of my fingertips with every new song I bought, I knew this was something good. It just kept going - the recommendations I was getting for FREE songs that I actually wanted to own were blowing my mind. An entire album of 2010 Merge Record hits? Yes. A new Badly Drawn Boy single? Don't mind if I do. Chaka Khan singing James Bond theme songs? Yes, yes, yes! Even my recommendations matched my quirky personality. It was a match made in heaven.
So we're up to date. As I sit here listening to a live track from Lambchop (the band, not the lovable puppet) that was free and completely unexpected, I feel content in my musical accomplishments - although I have not been sharing them. You know how it is with a new relationship, you want to keep all the love to yourself. But now I'm ready to talk about it. Amazon and I are together. I'm sorry iTunes, you tax all your overpriced songs. I wanted to buy Cee Lo's new record from you today but you insisted on $1.29 a song when Amazon was asking a flat fee of 0.99. What am I supposed to do? You would do the same thing.
It might seem a little silly to compare music sites to lovers but you know I'm starting to think they're not too far off. The feeling I get from a sensual song is somewhat similar to the sensual feeling in real life. Because I was in the loving spirit I bought a lot of songs from Amazon today in addition to my free downloads, one of which was "Private Eyes" by the incomparable Hall and Oates. I know it's embarrassing that I didn't own it before (although I have on vinyl for many years) but it always seemed less important than other H&O songs. Now I just want to complete my collections of every artist I love. ANYWAY, it is such a sexy song - and "Do What You Want, Be What You Are", also by Hall and Oates. I wouldn't even know this song existed if it weren't for Amazon. I've amassed 56 songs in the past week because of these people. I'm pretty excited for our future together.
If we're being honest though, my emotions have been shifting back and forth frequently over the past three weeks I have been absent from this blog. There have been so many incredible highs but mentally several lows that I'm not sure how to explain. Music is a great reliever of pain and tension but sometimes it accelerates it. When you're in compromising positions mentally certain lyrics set you off just so and you can't listen to them. Lately I've been unable to relate to most songs because I'm not sad or angry or anything very strongly (except romantically charged). I mean Usher's "Trading Places" and N.E.R.D.'s new single "Hypnotize You" are definitely working with that theme but I'm in a deeper state than that somehow. It's not worth explaining as I don't even need an explanation. Actually, I'm also in a recent quest to find songs that are completely unrelated to relationships/love. The National are always good for this as very often their themes are a bit larger than mere love, it's much more nationally (no pun intended) and economically charged with a lot of lyrics trying to decipher the woes of growing older and getting up just to work and "live". I'd like to find other bands like this. It's tough because even the greatest songwriters turn to love more than absolutely anything else. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to hear about it though.I'll leave you with all of this brilliance below:
30 September 2010
Pussycats, Pavement, and J. Lo
Today I woke up at 7am. It's a disgusting practice and I pray every time it happens that it will never occur again. I'm the worst morning person in the world. I look, sound, and act like Walter Matthau before 12pm and it's not pretty on me. The one thing that makes any morning better is my iPod. A few days ago after one too many homemade margaritas, I decided to go on Limewire and illegally download "feel good" songs. In my head these would be hip, cool songs that I could listen to when I'm home having a couple drinks, partying with my cat. Needless to say things turned ugly fast and good taste (Pavement, The Kinks) turned bad (Jennifer Lopez, The Pussycat Dolls).
I don't know what it is in my brain that likes absurd music that I know is created by machines and auto-tune but I can't help myself. I'm overly empathetic towards a lot in my life and music is no exception. After watching Jennifer Lopez's Behind the Music where she chronicles her first traumatic recording sessions, I liked her music even more - despite the fact that she was openly admitting to having a bad voice. When Usher sings about infidelity and gets on his knees to hug faceless women's legs in music videos, I chalk it up to unique artistry, certainly not scumbag-level arrogance. When Snoop Dogg is featured in every video with girls dancing around in skimpy clothes (i.e. Katy Perry's "California Girls", Pussycat Dolls "Buttons"), I figure it's because he needs to make extra dough to support his adorable family I grew to love on "Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood", the spectacular E! Entertainment Nework reality show.
It all comes back to this morning. As I was standing outside in the pouring rain I decided to put my headphones on and listen to Ms. Lopez's classic song "All I Have" with LL Cool J. I won't deny my history with this song - I love music videos. When I was younger they were all I watched. This particular video was on all the time. As a youthful teenager I thought Jennifer Lopez was utterly beautiful: she wore Jimmy Choo boots, furry coats, had those curves.. so much to look at. Indirectly, I'm sorry to say, this video, and others like it, are probably in my subconscious for the rest of my life. Luckily I think I understand the ironic humor within the lyrics and don't plan on dating any guys that tell me they're "cats that creep all over town" (you know I'd prefer to play that role). I never realized until today in the rain how insanely sexist the lyrics are or how good this song is. I don't think it's really trying to teach anyone a lesson and of course which of these artists is truly synonymous with power? The answer is obvious so there's no reason to feel too bad for the plight of females within this context. Although it's important to point out that it's dangerous to listen to songs like this when you're young. I do believe that personal relationship insecurities can be stirred by false images in pop songs. If I have children I won't let them listen to Neil Sedaka until they're at least 17.
The thing that bothered me most is my relationship with songs like this. I always thought I had a healthy relationship with music, so much that I could openly relay any of my interests to anyone who wanted to know. Standing there in the rain, with my black glasses, skinny jeans, and wannabe Rastafarian, maroon hat, I quietly listened to Jennifer Lopez... any time someone would walk by I lowered the volume as if I thought they cared or would even hear it over the raindrops falling on cement. I was embarrassed. I should be listening to something different, not Jock Jams from 2002 or something. Who do I think I am? It brought back memories of sixth grade when my friend Danielle told me I had no right to appreciate Selena's music.
"But I really love her."
"Why because you saw the movie?"
"Yes but I swear I have at least one of her cd's in my room."
"Please. You don't understand her."
I don't know why I always remember that. Danielle was actually one of my best friends at the time so I know she wasn't deliberately hating on my musical preferences but she felt a particular kinship to Selena that apparently I wasn't allowed to feel. I can't even express to you how much I really did love that crazy movie. I've always been a total sucker for all things Jennifer Lopez. I'll watch that movie with her and Matthew McConaughey about the wedding stuff anytime it's on and I usually hate movies like that. She has some crazy charisma that I'm drawn to - or as a drugged up male friend of mine once said, I'm just drawn to the "exotic ladies".
And it really doesn't end there. I go from 12 year old in 2002 to 45 year old in the '80's. "King of Wishful Thinking"? "Danny's Song"? Kenny Loggins? TOTO?! What am I doing?
Does anyone remember Joe? The song "Stutter" has always been a personal favorite. I relate a little too much to the lyrics these days but when I was a kid I just thought he was a pretty good looking cat with a great voice.
I'm also in love with Pharrell but I'm not too embarrassed by that.
I think that's all I'm ready to admit.
I actually believe Nicole Scherzinger is an excellent role model for young girls. I'm always an advocate for women taking control of their own sexuality and not leaving it up for the debate of the opposite gender.
18 September 2010
Why I Should be a Roadie for The National
Right now I'm listening to the painful "Geese of Beverly Road". For the past two hours I've just been listening to The National. I woke up with a rather somber, strange feeling and somehow that transferred into the need for The National. Everyone gets a little lost sometimes, I think some people are forever lost and it's hard to know where to put that mess. Simple is rarely simple. The National is not simple.
The other day I watched a great interview with Matt Berninger where he said that a lot of his songs have dark humor within them that people don't get. They think songs like "Conversation 16" in which he discusses putting his head in an oven ala Sylvia Plath are real. The interviewer went as far as asking him if that song was based in reality. Berninger obviously denied it and said it's meant to be silly. He's not afraid of eating anyone's brains and he's never tried to commit suicide. I'm not sure I completely buy that answer - maybe not to that extent but he's writing based in his own feelings for sure. I'd put a lot of money on it. He writes about the same recurring feelings and themes consistently.
Lately I'm starting to get a little lesson in things masquerading as something else and realizing that everything that seems like it means something might not but I'm damn sure that The National mean something. I have it tattooed on my body that it means something. More importantly, I feel it. I have seen Matt Berninger destroyed on stage while singing lyrics that obviously mean something to him. My best friend and I have joked about being jealous of his wife - then concluded that he must be a handful to deal with on a daily basis. Yeah, but imagine how incredible it would be to know someone who is so truly intense.
I don't want to sound like a 15-year-old talking about Justin Timberlake and how "Like I Love You" shatters her world but I do like the idea of having an external sound evoke so much internally. If I were a scientist I'd do some research on my brain and find out why I go back to The National every time I need something to surround me, almost like gluing everything together. Whether we love work or school or our friends, there are always those days when we want to get away from everything. We need a break from life. Sometimes I'd prefer to live out a day as someone else, not because I want to be someone else but because I'm exhausted. I'm older now so things are a little different, when I want a break I know how to shut off my mind and not care about anything. It's a little heartless but it's also necessary in order to not break your own heart. The National helps me with this. I think about Berninger's lyrics and genuinely believe that there's another ridiculously, stupid intense person in this world that doesn't know what to do too.
That's why I think I should just leave everyone I know, drop out of school, quit my job and travel with The National as a roadie - I don't know how to tune a guitar but I know how to duct tape a setlist to the floor and roll out a carpet. I know how to put a few Poland Spring waters on the ground and ice a nice bottle of wine. I could buy towels or carry microphones or really anything. I'll work for free - just a place to sleep and some food. I don't need any more material possessions, I don't need anybody else in my life, I just want the music. I just want to stand on the side of the stage every night and listen. If life is about finding something you love and surrounding yourself with it then this is what I should be doing. I'd miss my cat but it wouldn't be the entire year, just a few months.
I'm crazy. I'm crazy because I'm serious. I seriously would just drop everything if ever this was a possibility. I'm considering going online right now and searching for how one acquires jobs like this. I am just tired. I'm tired of seeing people give up and give in. I'm afraid it will happen to me too. When I say out loud that I see myself being successful, I'm starting to hear myself sounding like a child. Don't I know no one is successful anymore? How did I hang on to these childish, whimsical dreams for so long? I'm the only one left.
I believe it even more when I hear Matt Berninger sing.
"I'll do what I can to be a confident wreck." - M.B.
The Geese of Beverly Road Lyrics
We'll take ourselves out in the street
And wear the blood in our cheeks
Like red roses
We'll go from car to sleeping car
And whisper in their sleeping ears
We were here, we were here
We'll set off the geese of Beverly Road
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome, totally genius
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome
We won't be disappointed
We'll fight like girls for our place at the table
Our room on the floor
We'll set off the geese of Beverly Road
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome, totally genius
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome
We're the heirs to the glimmering world
We're drunk and sparking, our legs are open
Our hands are covered in cake
But I swear we didn't have any
I swear we didn't have any
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome, totally genius
Hey, love, we'll get away with it
We'll run like we're awesome
We're the heirs to the glimmering world
Oh, come, come be my waitress and serve me tonight
Serve me the sky tonight
Oh, come, come be my waitress and serve me tonightserve me the sky with a big slice of lemon
We're the heirs to the glimmering world
Oh, come, come be my waitress and serve me tonight
Serve me the sky tonightOh, come, come be my waitress and serve me tonight
serve me the sky with a big slice of lemon
12 September 2010
Top 20 Songs to Be Lonely To
The weekends are always very strange for me. I'm an active person so anytime I'm left with as much as a little empty space in my schedule, it makes me nervous. I'm one of those people who doesn't want to be left alone with themselves. I like distractions and reasons to not think. Naturally, music is the perfect antidote. Since my closest friend had a severe accident, my best friends live in different states, and I'm a picky person, the weekends aren't what they used to be. I have friends that come and go, people I see from time to time but the person I spend the most time with is myself and my trusty iTunes catalog.
Just like everyone else, I have certain music that I feel at home with. There aren't any pretenses with these songs. They're not songs I have to get dressed up for or be with other people - they're songs that are mine. I am very musically sensitive in the sense that if I hear a song playing in someone else's car or in a restaurant or bar, I will instantly relate that song to that situation every time I hear it from there on out. Sometimes this is great and makes me love a song even more but occasionally it's the worst thing that could happen and I can never listen to the song again. Usually it takes a rather massive situation for this to occur but I always hate when it does. Take for example the gorgeous song "Dear Lord" by Joseph Arthur. I absolutely love this song - it could potentially be one of my favorite songs of all time. For a long time I didn't have it on my iTunes because I gradually tuned it out of my mind. Everything from the jangly, West Virginia sound of the guitar to the lyrics that so perfectly describe my ex-boyfriend, made me hate it. I hated the power it had over me. Every time I heard this stupid song I would cry like a maniac. With lyrics like "I'm sorry for the things I've done, I'm sorry for wanting to run" - when I hear it, it just brings back a time I want nothing more than to forget. Yes, this time was the basis of my personality today but I'd rather not think of the person that destroyed my youth (and shaped a great deal of myself). It's rough and I can't believe that a song could bring all that rushing back. And that's not even going into "Close to Me" - The Cure or "Your Eyes" - Peter Gabriel. They make me want to kill myself, figuratively. And for anyone that thinks I'm nuts, I dare you to consider your own personal history and tell me that there's not a song that does the same to you. I'm certain you'll find at least one if not a dozen others.
Finding old mix cds is like hell for me recently. The last two I found were from a person who committed suicide and the aforementioned lover. It's always great to hear love songs that now mean nothing - that are now probably on a cd for someone else. I love the art of a mix cd but the pain that comes after the initial rush is sometimes not worth it. I had a friend not so long ago who was making me a supposed mix catering to all my favorite styles - namely sensual tunes that he thought were more respectable than my more overtly sexy preferences. I saw on his iTunes that the list was named after me and everything. Great, I thought, I love new songs. I'm always more than ready to hear what turns other people on. Of course before I received said mix cd, we got into a musically charged fight and I will probably never receive it.
Music is such a strange animal. Music might be the biggest social tool - and lubricant - there is. More than sports and maybe even alcohol in some cases, music gets people talking and relating. I'm always amazed when I'm sitting at a dinner table and people start talking about music. Their eyes light up and they try to trade little stories that they think will make them sound impressive to the others, sometimes not even realizing that everyone at the table is trying to sound cool in one way or another. Sometimes I'm convinced that's the only reason people even talk about music. In some places it's almost taboo to talk about music in fear of sounding inferior. I had to delete a post on here one time because I spoke so inappropriately about a man I met at a bar that belittled me until I had no choice but to walk away. I had never come across such an arrogant person in my life. In my naivete, it was difficult for me to even believe that this man loved music as much as he was claiming. How could someone who was willing to sit with me for two hours discussing a single topic have such a strong disdain for music he didn't understand? He refused to even amuse the idea of someone like John Mayer having any talent whatsoever and bashed The National for becoming too mainstream. Unfortunately, the more I meet people who claim to be music lovers, the more I come across this same problem. It seems that every "music lover" of a certain age has the same opinions on what music should be. No young "hipster" guy ever openly admits appreciation for someone like John Mayer and any girl who likes him will bashfully say it or add the requisite "embarrassingly!" at the end. I've given up on trying to understand why this is. I continuously use the example that you wouldn't let someone else tell you what to eat so why do you let them influence what you listen to but clearly it's more important to be socially acceptable than - God Forbid! - like a pop artist. A band like The National could be making the greatest music of their career but if they're selling 300,000 albums in their first week doing so then all their "indie cred" is gone in certain circles. It's absolutely baffling to me. They're not working with Britney Spears' auto-tuning guy just because they're popular, they're still making the same album in their little studio whether they sell 1 copy or 1 million copies (clearly there's more to it than this but in theory they're still the same people with the same musical abilities regardless).
It has become so frequent that I hear music discussions I'd rather eavesdrop on than participate in that I have become very leery of ever discussing music myself. I don't like when people challenge me or try to test my music knowledge when they find out I want to be a music writer and I don't like having my own tastes on display in one-on-one conversations. I recently had a run-in like this on a Greyhound bus where I was suddenly put on the spot to discuss my "favorite genre". Granted, I'm a hypocrite because these are the kinds of questions I like to ask other people but when they come my way I try to avoid them. The person was very nice but my answer was incredibly jumbled. "Older R&B? Classic rock? Singer/Songwriter/'70's/folksy/country/twangy/quiet/dancy/hand clapping/hip shaking/short-type of songs"
Maybe I didn't say it in that way but I felt very strange. I felt like I didn't want to sound like an idiot and I didn't want to sound snooty at the same time. Somehow I almost felt like there was a right answer I should give. If you talk about music as if you know something about it, it comes across as pompous but in the same respect you can't act like you don't know anything. The thing I've always wondered is how anyone can judge someone else's taste when they probably know nothing about it if it's not their particular preference. There's an insane array of music out there! There's no way a single individual could be a master of it all in one lifetime. If someone told me right now that their favorite band in the world was Sugarland, I'd nod my head and really have no idea what to say. I don't know very much about contemporary country and therefore I can't tell you if they have great music or not. They could have some incredible lyrics, just because they're not my favorite doesn't mean they're not the best. There are patrons at the concert venue I work at all the time that are devout lovers of specific metal bands that I would consider awful at face value but really, have I given it a try? These people pray at the bottom of the stage these musicians perform on. They wear matching band shirts, get tattoos of their favorite lyrics, and sing along to every word. I am in awe of these people. I am one of these people. My outrageous love of The National is very often put into question among everyone from my friends to strangers. I have a tattoo dedicated to them, a half dozen National shirts in my closet, and listen to them absolutely obsessively. I don't think I'm weird so how could I ever judge another music lover even if it's not the kind of music I love? Actually, I tend to find that it's the people who really have an undying respect for the art of music that usually tell me they don't understand my particular interest but they love my passion for it. That's the attitude more people should have.
Sometimes it's even hard for me to believe that a few pieces of three minute works of art could have such a bearing on someone's life but that's the same kind of mystery that keeps me coming back. In my life, there have been some two hour movies that have made me feel intense things and I will watch them over and over again but are there ever any that I watch 100 times over again? No way. Are there songs I'll listen to over 100 times? Without question. In high school I went through what could only be considered the biggest singer/songwriter phase of my life. I would lay on my bedroom floor with my head up against a long, white dresser and just close my eyes trying to absorb every inch of an entire album by Howie Day or Josh Kelley or the great Jason Mraz. I'd listen to these songs so much and so intensely that they became part of the fabric of my being. I didn't necessarily intend for that to happen but they worked their way into my subconscious. When I hear Josh Kelley's "Home to Me", I am instantly brought back to that time. I guess now in some ways I wish they had been artists with a little more musical depth (I know some of my friends' high school experiences included Pavement, Sonic Youth, Nirvana, etc.) but for me these songs did have depth. I didn't know to listen to something because it was 'cool' or because someone was telling me to. I will certainly admit I had a slight *Nsync phase but I loved their acappela performances and still believe them to be rather decent singers (and dancers for that matter).
I kept a journal in high school and every entry would involve the music I was listening to. Of course I'm not the only one but I remember it was important to me to be very detailed. I would write down an entire album track by track and explain why it meant something to me. I'd use lyrics I knew by heart and write lists of all my current favorite songs. I'd look up similar artists everyday on AOL (the in thing at the time) and find interviews with my favorite musicians to see their influences and then look them up too. I'm not ashamed to say that through John Mayer I started loving jazz music. I guess the writers at Rolling Stone would probably laugh but I would never know who Dexter Gordon, John Coltrane, Charlie Parker, or even Miles Davis was without Mayer's influence. Because I had such a desire to learn, I can actually recognize music from these people, not just know their name so if that's embarrassing then I'm happy to be embarrassed.
I'll tell people upfront that I'm not keen on Leonard Cohen, although I hoped I would be, and that I think Joy Division is overrated. I'm almost positive that somehow certain things got good word of mouth and people started to believe that to be taken seriously they had to go with the flow whether they wanted to or not. Something is not instantly cool because it's "lo-fi" and something is not instantly uncool because it's catchy and produced. I just saw Train - unintentionally - for the third time in two months tonight and although I'll agree that their music is over the top corny, I sort of love it. Pat Monahan gets on stage and not only gives his all but isn't afraid of looking like a loser. He's flittering around like a ballerina and he's having a great time in the process. He's also a great vocalist and songwriter - better in my opinion than a lot of indie bands that all end up sounding the same. It's the bands - in every genre - that take risks that end up coming out the victors.
I've been to over 30 John Mayer concerts and I'll tell you right now that besides some preppy girls that are too afraid to make fools out of themselves, everyone has a good time. At the 12 or so concerts of The National I've been to, I'd be hard pressed to think of more than a handful of people that looked like they were enjoying themselves. If you check out a video on Youtube of these people at the Brooklyn or Manhattan shows, they look like zombies while Matt Berninger is out there singing his soul out. It's almost like these people don't want to appear as if they're having a good time. Wearing their perfect pair of $200 vintage oxfords and their perfectly placed Urban Outfitters fedoras, heaven forbid they shake their hips a little. I am like this too sometimes, especially if I'm alone and a little worried of looking like the creepy, tall one, but by mid-show I tend to get over it whether I want to or not. I am taken in by the music I love more than most of my own family members. When someone's voice is in your ear every day for years you tend to get an attachment to them. I have been hearing John Mayer's voice in my ears for nearly 10 years now. That's longer than all my relationships combined and most of my friendships. When he's out having sex with half of Hollywood, it's not going to stop me from thinking of him as Uncle John. He's my poet. I don't care what the skinny guy in the bar with the tight "Ithaca is Gorges" shirt tells me, you know? I don't get it. And it's not just those kinds of people, it's much more than that. A lot of people preface their favorite music by saying they know it's "not cool" or something like that. I am a victim of this very often as well for some reason. I love Hall and Oates. Do you know how many people hate Hall and Oates? Neither did I until I started telling people I loved them. The game of music is very weird.
ANYWAY, I think this all started by explaining why I get lonely on the weekends. I used to have tons of people around me all time time. My friend and I would bring a bunch of people back over to my place after the bar or we'd get invited to a party or something and now that my partner in crime is otherwise detained, I'm left alone. When I'm wallowing the pain away in a drink or in someone else's company, the pain is easier but when it's a Saturday night and I know what I'm missing, it's a lot more difficult. I get a little sappy and start to feel sorry for myself and end up listening to The National or watching Chelsea Lately, depending on whether I want to get more depressed or pick myself up. In times like these I have my friendly musical voices to keep me company and I'd rather that than people I don't know - unless the people I don't know are the new songs I'm about to download on iTunes.
And as promised, here are the top 20 songs that I enjoy listening to while I'm all alone.
01 Amos Lee - Seen it All Before
02 Amy Winehouse - Wake Up Alone
03 John Frusciante - Song to Sing When I'm Lonely
04 Chet Baker - The Thrill is Gone
05 Band of Horses - Window Blues
06 John Mayer - Perfectly Lonely
07 Andrew Bird - Tenuousness
08 Buddy Guy - I've Got Dreams to Remember
09 Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine
10 The Beatles - Norwegian Wood
11 Smokey Robinson - Tracks of My Tears
12 Sondre Lerche - Stupid Memory
13 Frank Sinatra - Glad to Be Unhappy
14 Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
15 Dave Rawlings - To Be Young (is To Be Sad, is To Be High)
16 The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
17 Peter Sarstedt - Where Do You Go to My Lovely
18 The National - Daughters of the Soho Riots
19 Pete Yorn - Don't Wanna Cry
20 Otis Redding - (Sittin' on) the Dock of the Bay
Just like everyone else, I have certain music that I feel at home with. There aren't any pretenses with these songs. They're not songs I have to get dressed up for or be with other people - they're songs that are mine. I am very musically sensitive in the sense that if I hear a song playing in someone else's car or in a restaurant or bar, I will instantly relate that song to that situation every time I hear it from there on out. Sometimes this is great and makes me love a song even more but occasionally it's the worst thing that could happen and I can never listen to the song again. Usually it takes a rather massive situation for this to occur but I always hate when it does. Take for example the gorgeous song "Dear Lord" by Joseph Arthur. I absolutely love this song - it could potentially be one of my favorite songs of all time. For a long time I didn't have it on my iTunes because I gradually tuned it out of my mind. Everything from the jangly, West Virginia sound of the guitar to the lyrics that so perfectly describe my ex-boyfriend, made me hate it. I hated the power it had over me. Every time I heard this stupid song I would cry like a maniac. With lyrics like "I'm sorry for the things I've done, I'm sorry for wanting to run" - when I hear it, it just brings back a time I want nothing more than to forget. Yes, this time was the basis of my personality today but I'd rather not think of the person that destroyed my youth (and shaped a great deal of myself). It's rough and I can't believe that a song could bring all that rushing back. And that's not even going into "Close to Me" - The Cure or "Your Eyes" - Peter Gabriel. They make me want to kill myself, figuratively. And for anyone that thinks I'm nuts, I dare you to consider your own personal history and tell me that there's not a song that does the same to you. I'm certain you'll find at least one if not a dozen others.
Finding old mix cds is like hell for me recently. The last two I found were from a person who committed suicide and the aforementioned lover. It's always great to hear love songs that now mean nothing - that are now probably on a cd for someone else. I love the art of a mix cd but the pain that comes after the initial rush is sometimes not worth it. I had a friend not so long ago who was making me a supposed mix catering to all my favorite styles - namely sensual tunes that he thought were more respectable than my more overtly sexy preferences. I saw on his iTunes that the list was named after me and everything. Great, I thought, I love new songs. I'm always more than ready to hear what turns other people on. Of course before I received said mix cd, we got into a musically charged fight and I will probably never receive it.
Music is such a strange animal. Music might be the biggest social tool - and lubricant - there is. More than sports and maybe even alcohol in some cases, music gets people talking and relating. I'm always amazed when I'm sitting at a dinner table and people start talking about music. Their eyes light up and they try to trade little stories that they think will make them sound impressive to the others, sometimes not even realizing that everyone at the table is trying to sound cool in one way or another. Sometimes I'm convinced that's the only reason people even talk about music. In some places it's almost taboo to talk about music in fear of sounding inferior. I had to delete a post on here one time because I spoke so inappropriately about a man I met at a bar that belittled me until I had no choice but to walk away. I had never come across such an arrogant person in my life. In my naivete, it was difficult for me to even believe that this man loved music as much as he was claiming. How could someone who was willing to sit with me for two hours discussing a single topic have such a strong disdain for music he didn't understand? He refused to even amuse the idea of someone like John Mayer having any talent whatsoever and bashed The National for becoming too mainstream. Unfortunately, the more I meet people who claim to be music lovers, the more I come across this same problem. It seems that every "music lover" of a certain age has the same opinions on what music should be. No young "hipster" guy ever openly admits appreciation for someone like John Mayer and any girl who likes him will bashfully say it or add the requisite "embarrassingly!" at the end. I've given up on trying to understand why this is. I continuously use the example that you wouldn't let someone else tell you what to eat so why do you let them influence what you listen to but clearly it's more important to be socially acceptable than - God Forbid! - like a pop artist. A band like The National could be making the greatest music of their career but if they're selling 300,000 albums in their first week doing so then all their "indie cred" is gone in certain circles. It's absolutely baffling to me. They're not working with Britney Spears' auto-tuning guy just because they're popular, they're still making the same album in their little studio whether they sell 1 copy or 1 million copies (clearly there's more to it than this but in theory they're still the same people with the same musical abilities regardless).
It has become so frequent that I hear music discussions I'd rather eavesdrop on than participate in that I have become very leery of ever discussing music myself. I don't like when people challenge me or try to test my music knowledge when they find out I want to be a music writer and I don't like having my own tastes on display in one-on-one conversations. I recently had a run-in like this on a Greyhound bus where I was suddenly put on the spot to discuss my "favorite genre". Granted, I'm a hypocrite because these are the kinds of questions I like to ask other people but when they come my way I try to avoid them. The person was very nice but my answer was incredibly jumbled. "Older R&B? Classic rock? Singer/Songwriter/'70's/folksy/country/twangy/quiet/dancy/hand clapping/hip shaking/short-type of songs"
Maybe I didn't say it in that way but I felt very strange. I felt like I didn't want to sound like an idiot and I didn't want to sound snooty at the same time. Somehow I almost felt like there was a right answer I should give. If you talk about music as if you know something about it, it comes across as pompous but in the same respect you can't act like you don't know anything. The thing I've always wondered is how anyone can judge someone else's taste when they probably know nothing about it if it's not their particular preference. There's an insane array of music out there! There's no way a single individual could be a master of it all in one lifetime. If someone told me right now that their favorite band in the world was Sugarland, I'd nod my head and really have no idea what to say. I don't know very much about contemporary country and therefore I can't tell you if they have great music or not. They could have some incredible lyrics, just because they're not my favorite doesn't mean they're not the best. There are patrons at the concert venue I work at all the time that are devout lovers of specific metal bands that I would consider awful at face value but really, have I given it a try? These people pray at the bottom of the stage these musicians perform on. They wear matching band shirts, get tattoos of their favorite lyrics, and sing along to every word. I am in awe of these people. I am one of these people. My outrageous love of The National is very often put into question among everyone from my friends to strangers. I have a tattoo dedicated to them, a half dozen National shirts in my closet, and listen to them absolutely obsessively. I don't think I'm weird so how could I ever judge another music lover even if it's not the kind of music I love? Actually, I tend to find that it's the people who really have an undying respect for the art of music that usually tell me they don't understand my particular interest but they love my passion for it. That's the attitude more people should have.
Sometimes it's even hard for me to believe that a few pieces of three minute works of art could have such a bearing on someone's life but that's the same kind of mystery that keeps me coming back. In my life, there have been some two hour movies that have made me feel intense things and I will watch them over and over again but are there ever any that I watch 100 times over again? No way. Are there songs I'll listen to over 100 times? Without question. In high school I went through what could only be considered the biggest singer/songwriter phase of my life. I would lay on my bedroom floor with my head up against a long, white dresser and just close my eyes trying to absorb every inch of an entire album by Howie Day or Josh Kelley or the great Jason Mraz. I'd listen to these songs so much and so intensely that they became part of the fabric of my being. I didn't necessarily intend for that to happen but they worked their way into my subconscious. When I hear Josh Kelley's "Home to Me", I am instantly brought back to that time. I guess now in some ways I wish they had been artists with a little more musical depth (I know some of my friends' high school experiences included Pavement, Sonic Youth, Nirvana, etc.) but for me these songs did have depth. I didn't know to listen to something because it was 'cool' or because someone was telling me to. I will certainly admit I had a slight *Nsync phase but I loved their acappela performances and still believe them to be rather decent singers (and dancers for that matter).
I kept a journal in high school and every entry would involve the music I was listening to. Of course I'm not the only one but I remember it was important to me to be very detailed. I would write down an entire album track by track and explain why it meant something to me. I'd use lyrics I knew by heart and write lists of all my current favorite songs. I'd look up similar artists everyday on AOL (the in thing at the time) and find interviews with my favorite musicians to see their influences and then look them up too. I'm not ashamed to say that through John Mayer I started loving jazz music. I guess the writers at Rolling Stone would probably laugh but I would never know who Dexter Gordon, John Coltrane, Charlie Parker, or even Miles Davis was without Mayer's influence. Because I had such a desire to learn, I can actually recognize music from these people, not just know their name so if that's embarrassing then I'm happy to be embarrassed.
I'll tell people upfront that I'm not keen on Leonard Cohen, although I hoped I would be, and that I think Joy Division is overrated. I'm almost positive that somehow certain things got good word of mouth and people started to believe that to be taken seriously they had to go with the flow whether they wanted to or not. Something is not instantly cool because it's "lo-fi" and something is not instantly uncool because it's catchy and produced. I just saw Train - unintentionally - for the third time in two months tonight and although I'll agree that their music is over the top corny, I sort of love it. Pat Monahan gets on stage and not only gives his all but isn't afraid of looking like a loser. He's flittering around like a ballerina and he's having a great time in the process. He's also a great vocalist and songwriter - better in my opinion than a lot of indie bands that all end up sounding the same. It's the bands - in every genre - that take risks that end up coming out the victors.
I've been to over 30 John Mayer concerts and I'll tell you right now that besides some preppy girls that are too afraid to make fools out of themselves, everyone has a good time. At the 12 or so concerts of The National I've been to, I'd be hard pressed to think of more than a handful of people that looked like they were enjoying themselves. If you check out a video on Youtube of these people at the Brooklyn or Manhattan shows, they look like zombies while Matt Berninger is out there singing his soul out. It's almost like these people don't want to appear as if they're having a good time. Wearing their perfect pair of $200 vintage oxfords and their perfectly placed Urban Outfitters fedoras, heaven forbid they shake their hips a little. I am like this too sometimes, especially if I'm alone and a little worried of looking like the creepy, tall one, but by mid-show I tend to get over it whether I want to or not. I am taken in by the music I love more than most of my own family members. When someone's voice is in your ear every day for years you tend to get an attachment to them. I have been hearing John Mayer's voice in my ears for nearly 10 years now. That's longer than all my relationships combined and most of my friendships. When he's out having sex with half of Hollywood, it's not going to stop me from thinking of him as Uncle John. He's my poet. I don't care what the skinny guy in the bar with the tight "Ithaca is Gorges" shirt tells me, you know? I don't get it. And it's not just those kinds of people, it's much more than that. A lot of people preface their favorite music by saying they know it's "not cool" or something like that. I am a victim of this very often as well for some reason. I love Hall and Oates. Do you know how many people hate Hall and Oates? Neither did I until I started telling people I loved them. The game of music is very weird.
ANYWAY, I think this all started by explaining why I get lonely on the weekends. I used to have tons of people around me all time time. My friend and I would bring a bunch of people back over to my place after the bar or we'd get invited to a party or something and now that my partner in crime is otherwise detained, I'm left alone. When I'm wallowing the pain away in a drink or in someone else's company, the pain is easier but when it's a Saturday night and I know what I'm missing, it's a lot more difficult. I get a little sappy and start to feel sorry for myself and end up listening to The National or watching Chelsea Lately, depending on whether I want to get more depressed or pick myself up. In times like these I have my friendly musical voices to keep me company and I'd rather that than people I don't know - unless the people I don't know are the new songs I'm about to download on iTunes.
And as promised, here are the top 20 songs that I enjoy listening to while I'm all alone.
01 Amos Lee - Seen it All Before
02 Amy Winehouse - Wake Up Alone
03 John Frusciante - Song to Sing When I'm Lonely
04 Chet Baker - The Thrill is Gone
05 Band of Horses - Window Blues
06 John Mayer - Perfectly Lonely
07 Andrew Bird - Tenuousness
08 Buddy Guy - I've Got Dreams to Remember
09 Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine
10 The Beatles - Norwegian Wood
11 Smokey Robinson - Tracks of My Tears
12 Sondre Lerche - Stupid Memory
13 Frank Sinatra - Glad to Be Unhappy
14 Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
15 Dave Rawlings - To Be Young (is To Be Sad, is To Be High)
16 The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
17 Peter Sarstedt - Where Do You Go to My Lovely
18 The National - Daughters of the Soho Riots
19 Pete Yorn - Don't Wanna Cry
20 Otis Redding - (Sittin' on) the Dock of the Bay
08 September 2010
PING: Why Does iTunes Do This?
iTunes for me has been a constant companion over the last four years. I would come home, put it on my lap, sit with it for several hours while it found me 'suggestions for similar music', and gently play 30 second samples of every song it wanted me to hear. When the Genius application came along, I would practically slit my wrists with blank CD's in excitement for what six song suggestions were going to put up after I hit the purchase button. I've probably spent $50 a month on that site just scooping up everything I think I'll potentially love.
To get up to date with the current transitional phase of iTunes, it has to be noted that every few months I start to dread the little pop-up box telling me a new version of iTunes must be downloaded. Recently I tried to rebel and would completely disregard these messages when they were sent to me but eventually my iPod stopped working and it became necessary for me to download the unnecessary new version. Why do I hate it you might ask? Because I get so used to the layout of the old versions and then there are suddenly more little sidebars to click, my computer becomes slower, and I feel like all this nonsense begins to take up too much space at a certain point.
iTunes 10 has probably been the worst of these transitions for me. In addition to the format completely changing (ELIMINATING the section for date last played!), the "social network" Ping has been added to bring iTunes in the 21st century I suppose? Honestly, I don't get it at all. At first I was really intrigued by the idea of connecting with people who liked similar music. I pictured it being a social version of the Genius bar or a more direct version of like.com. It advertised itself as a place where you could learn about your favorite artist's current listening habits and learn about stranger's musical taste (my favorite thing in the world).
The day I finally agreed to sit for 45 minutes and have this downloaded on my already archaic computer, I eagerly set up my Ping account. I thought the questions would include my top five favorite artists or have a chart of my most listened to songs for the week but instead it was a randomized display of a few album covers to songs I rarely listen to. "Cousins" by Vampire Weekend? I don't know where they're getting this from.
After setting up my own profile to the best of my ability, I set out to find other profiles to link to or whatever. I was only given around 20 options of people I might be interested in and really I wasn't interested at all. When I finally came across the real profile of one of my favorite musician's, it was definitely underwhelming. Basically the profile contained the amount of people following him and the songs he had recently "liked". That was about it. No list of what he recently purchased or listened to or anything of value whatsoever.
I've read other reviews of Ping that refer to it as a stepping stone to Apple's overall master plan of masquerading a social networking site into basically a glorified store but I don't even understand the purpose at all right now. I want to buy music and nothing on Ping made me crave any particular songs. The format is unappealing and I might be an idiot but I found it a little confusing, more so because I didn't understand the reasoning behind it. From what I've read, I think Facebook was originally supposed to be incorporated into the layout which would certainly explain it a little - if people are supposed to invite their friends and find followers from that, it would make a little more sense.
Nevertheless, I'm still disappointed.
13 August 2010
On Days Like These, It's Nice to Have Music
I'm clearly a sucker for music. My passion for sharing music with strangers has been a constant throughout my life. Sharing personal experiences with strangers has also been a strange coping mechanism I've had for awhile. I can't explain it without giving an example.
When I was in 7th grade, I got into the worst car accident of my life. My cousin was driving me to school in the morning - only a 10 minute drive - when a tiny, red sports car spun out of control on the other side of the road and collided head on with us. My cousin's car was totaled beyond repair and gas was leaking out of the front, leading us to believe that it could go on fire. I was horrified, my nose was fractured, and the seat belt had dug so far into my chest that I thought I was internally bleeding. My cousin had scraped her leg pretty badly on the dashboard and the driver side airbag had come out at her full force. The entire experience was just on the verge of life-threatening.
For some reason my first instinct when I got out of the car was to run to a stranger. A middle aged man had seen the entire incident happen from across the street and ran over immediately to see if we needed any help. I saw him running over and I just grabbed him. I was so scared and I knew my cousin was even more frightened than me so I took comfort in a total stranger. Since I was a little kid, he hugged me back and asked a thousand times if we were alright. I don't think he actually did anything to physically help us in the end because the ambulance came quickly and rushed us to the emergency room for x-rays but his support was something I'll never forget. He was just an average guy that might not even remember doing anything on that day but I think of him fondly.
ANYWAY, that story illustrates exactly how I feel about strangers in general. As long as I don't have a reason for having ill feelings towards someone, I usually figure they're the same as me: just a regular person struggling to fit in and find peace in a rather tumultuous world. My desire to share things with them stems from sharing the human experience with other people that are not friends or family. Sometimes the greatest connections happen out of not knowing someone at all.
My grandfather passed away yesterday evening and I didn't want to be around my family or friends. I didn't want to get a hug because a family member lost his life. It felt disingenuous. I know it's great to give and receive comfort at times like these but I can't deal as well with my own close relations as I can with strangers. When there are immense feelings involved it becomes overwhelming. I don't want to see my mother cry, I don't want someone to see me cry, I don't want to be a part of it at all. I wanted my grandfather to always be there and that's it. I don't know how to put this in perspective.
I do know that I had a feeling it was going to happen from the first second he was admitted into the hospital this last time. His breathing had become shallow and he was immediately put on life support. My cousin and I rushed to the hospital to see him and in a strange fit of longing for normalcy, I brought a Benny Goodman record I had gotten for him on Father's Day. I kept forgetting to give it to him and I remembered on the day he is barely surviving. I carried it into the emergency room with me and put it in front of his face.
"Look! Benny Goodman! Greatest Hits! You'll be able to listen to this when you get out!"
He couldn't really move his head from the position it was in so when he even nodded slightly, I took it as a good sign. My mother wanted me to have a few minutes alone with him - I guess to say my goodbyes in case he didn't make it through the night - and although I didn't want to, I stayed in the room with him. Luckily, a nurse came in after only a couple minutes and saw I was having difficulty finding things to say.
"This is your grandfather?"
"Yes, I brought this record for him."
"Oh! He likes Benny Goodman? He looked like he might like that kind of music, that's why we have this station on."
She pointed to the television that had been set to one of those weird music channels in the 800's. Of course "Big Band Music" to her means elevator orchestra music that equates to the audible version of a dying emergency room.
"Yeah, I'm sure he likes this," I lied.
"YOU LIKE RECORDS??" she yelled at him upon seeing the record so he wouldn't have a chance of missing the question.
He nodded adamantly.
I don't know. After that I tried telling her that he used to be an award winning dancer and it was his favorite thing but she was more interested in talking about her great-uncle that used to play with Benny Goodman. She was nice though. Once again, a stranger saved me from myself.
Of course the real meaning behind that story is the music. My grandfather was dying and the one thing he was most receptive to was discussing music. The only rational thing in my brain, despite the irrationality of it, was bringing that record to the emergency room. My mother seemed skeptical when I walked in holding it but I couldn't help it. My grandfather and I shared a massive love of music. He passed it on to my mom who passed it on to me.
Every Christmas we would buy my grandfather blank cassette tapes. He loved to transfer vinyl on to cassette but never got into the whole cd wave - and certainly not mp3's. As cassette tapes became harder to find, we'd still scour out stores to buy them, particularly my cousin. And when we'd hand them to him, he'd always say, "Just what I needed!"
As he got older and couldn't hear as well, he'd blast his music louder and louder from his room. I lived across the hall from him for years so I had the good fortune of listening to Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Frank Sinatra, and all the other legendary performers - all through really good speakers. Sometimes he would dance to it alone, sometimes he would just lay on his bed and take it all in. I can understand.
He had thousands of records. Thousands of cassettes. and hundreds of shoes (our other shared passion). He was a collector.
My grandfather got me into classic movies, Gene Kelly, musicals, stereos, fashion - everything - and yet we never had the closest relationship. I remember my grandmother always had to fold his pants a certain way so the crease was down the middle. When I was younger I always tried to mimic that with my own silly clothes because I thought it just looked so cool. My grandfather was a snappy guy. I can't believe he's gone.
With all my heart I hope he's in a better place. He was suffering a lot near the end. I hope he's with my grandmother and they're dancing in some version of "heaven". Musical Heaven.
I love you, Grandpa.
When I was in 7th grade, I got into the worst car accident of my life. My cousin was driving me to school in the morning - only a 10 minute drive - when a tiny, red sports car spun out of control on the other side of the road and collided head on with us. My cousin's car was totaled beyond repair and gas was leaking out of the front, leading us to believe that it could go on fire. I was horrified, my nose was fractured, and the seat belt had dug so far into my chest that I thought I was internally bleeding. My cousin had scraped her leg pretty badly on the dashboard and the driver side airbag had come out at her full force. The entire experience was just on the verge of life-threatening.
For some reason my first instinct when I got out of the car was to run to a stranger. A middle aged man had seen the entire incident happen from across the street and ran over immediately to see if we needed any help. I saw him running over and I just grabbed him. I was so scared and I knew my cousin was even more frightened than me so I took comfort in a total stranger. Since I was a little kid, he hugged me back and asked a thousand times if we were alright. I don't think he actually did anything to physically help us in the end because the ambulance came quickly and rushed us to the emergency room for x-rays but his support was something I'll never forget. He was just an average guy that might not even remember doing anything on that day but I think of him fondly.
ANYWAY, that story illustrates exactly how I feel about strangers in general. As long as I don't have a reason for having ill feelings towards someone, I usually figure they're the same as me: just a regular person struggling to fit in and find peace in a rather tumultuous world. My desire to share things with them stems from sharing the human experience with other people that are not friends or family. Sometimes the greatest connections happen out of not knowing someone at all.
My grandfather passed away yesterday evening and I didn't want to be around my family or friends. I didn't want to get a hug because a family member lost his life. It felt disingenuous. I know it's great to give and receive comfort at times like these but I can't deal as well with my own close relations as I can with strangers. When there are immense feelings involved it becomes overwhelming. I don't want to see my mother cry, I don't want someone to see me cry, I don't want to be a part of it at all. I wanted my grandfather to always be there and that's it. I don't know how to put this in perspective.
I do know that I had a feeling it was going to happen from the first second he was admitted into the hospital this last time. His breathing had become shallow and he was immediately put on life support. My cousin and I rushed to the hospital to see him and in a strange fit of longing for normalcy, I brought a Benny Goodman record I had gotten for him on Father's Day. I kept forgetting to give it to him and I remembered on the day he is barely surviving. I carried it into the emergency room with me and put it in front of his face.
"Look! Benny Goodman! Greatest Hits! You'll be able to listen to this when you get out!"
He couldn't really move his head from the position it was in so when he even nodded slightly, I took it as a good sign. My mother wanted me to have a few minutes alone with him - I guess to say my goodbyes in case he didn't make it through the night - and although I didn't want to, I stayed in the room with him. Luckily, a nurse came in after only a couple minutes and saw I was having difficulty finding things to say.
"This is your grandfather?"
"Yes, I brought this record for him."
"Oh! He likes Benny Goodman? He looked like he might like that kind of music, that's why we have this station on."
She pointed to the television that had been set to one of those weird music channels in the 800's. Of course "Big Band Music" to her means elevator orchestra music that equates to the audible version of a dying emergency room.
"Yeah, I'm sure he likes this," I lied.
"YOU LIKE RECORDS??" she yelled at him upon seeing the record so he wouldn't have a chance of missing the question.
He nodded adamantly.
I don't know. After that I tried telling her that he used to be an award winning dancer and it was his favorite thing but she was more interested in talking about her great-uncle that used to play with Benny Goodman. She was nice though. Once again, a stranger saved me from myself.
Of course the real meaning behind that story is the music. My grandfather was dying and the one thing he was most receptive to was discussing music. The only rational thing in my brain, despite the irrationality of it, was bringing that record to the emergency room. My mother seemed skeptical when I walked in holding it but I couldn't help it. My grandfather and I shared a massive love of music. He passed it on to my mom who passed it on to me.
Every Christmas we would buy my grandfather blank cassette tapes. He loved to transfer vinyl on to cassette but never got into the whole cd wave - and certainly not mp3's. As cassette tapes became harder to find, we'd still scour out stores to buy them, particularly my cousin. And when we'd hand them to him, he'd always say, "Just what I needed!"
As he got older and couldn't hear as well, he'd blast his music louder and louder from his room. I lived across the hall from him for years so I had the good fortune of listening to Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Frank Sinatra, and all the other legendary performers - all through really good speakers. Sometimes he would dance to it alone, sometimes he would just lay on his bed and take it all in. I can understand.
He had thousands of records. Thousands of cassettes. and hundreds of shoes (our other shared passion). He was a collector.
My grandfather got me into classic movies, Gene Kelly, musicals, stereos, fashion - everything - and yet we never had the closest relationship. I remember my grandmother always had to fold his pants a certain way so the crease was down the middle. When I was younger I always tried to mimic that with my own silly clothes because I thought it just looked so cool. My grandfather was a snappy guy. I can't believe he's gone.
With all my heart I hope he's in a better place. He was suffering a lot near the end. I hope he's with my grandmother and they're dancing in some version of "heaven". Musical Heaven.
I love you, Grandpa.
10 July 2010
One Track Mind
If you just happen to be glancing through this blog for the first time you might begin to wonder why I always write about The National. You might even think that you should stop reading because this person is crazy and only talks about one band when the blog itself pretends to be about music as a whole. For these reasons, I'd like to explain why I write so much about one band.
It's very difficult for me to be critical. I started this blog because I wanted to have some writing tucked away somewhere in case one day I apply to Rolling Stone and they ask me how often I write. I wanted to be able to tell them that I write nearly everyday - and here's the proof! Initially I thought it would be fantastic to literally be a music critic and review albums, concerts, etc. Lately, I realize that I am not equipped to do that (actually I think I am much more than others but emotionally I'm not good at it). The only things that really makes me passionate enough to sit down and write entire articles or posts are those songs or artists that I absolutely love. I'm rather young - or at least still a novice - so I'm trying to get over the gushing phase of writing about an artist I admantly admire but I do all my research before I brace a topic and go from there. To be honest, I'm probably not the greatest music writer in the universe because I never think objectively. I'm biased and a gigantic, loving fan of what I write about. I'm much better at writing about other things but that's also why music writing is so much more fun - it's the challenge added to the passion that equals the only thing I ever really feel like writing about (or talking about for that matter).
The National, of course, is the personification of everything I just said. They are the ultimate band that is so perfect it's almost as if the particles of everything I love in my brain came together and created them specifically for me to listen to. When I'm at work and put on a Youtube video of one of their recent performances, I get so riled up I immediately run over here and write a rambling, bumbling essay about how incredible they are and how I can't stop listening to Matt Berninger's voice. I work alone in a very large building so the companionship I get from music and video while at work is even more important. With The National, I never have to be critical or insensitive to someone's art - I always know I'll love it and I want anyone reading or passing by my blog to be a part of the greatness. To be honest as well, I like championing other people's artistic endeavors much more than my own. I'm able to write here, what I love doing more than anything, and yet also have the comfort of knowing it's the music people are coming to find, it's not my writing specifically, so the pressure is slightly off me.
ANYWAY, this was all brought on from this video:
Watching it just now brought memories of Radio City Music Hall to the front of my mind and this song particularly was a highlight for me that night. It's my favorite off High Violet and so incredibly different and emotionally charged that I have yet to get even a little tired of it. Every time I listen I expect the eerie feeling to finally wear off and it never does - the sign of a great song.
After watching that video I thought to myself, why do I suddenly feel like writing now when I had planned to write a Todd Rundgren post that I haven't had the energy to finish? Why do I always have to write about the same thing? It was driving me crazy so I figured I'd just get it out of my system and write about my feelings instead of trying to sound professional.
Thanks for reading.
It's very difficult for me to be critical. I started this blog because I wanted to have some writing tucked away somewhere in case one day I apply to Rolling Stone and they ask me how often I write. I wanted to be able to tell them that I write nearly everyday - and here's the proof! Initially I thought it would be fantastic to literally be a music critic and review albums, concerts, etc. Lately, I realize that I am not equipped to do that (actually I think I am much more than others but emotionally I'm not good at it). The only things that really makes me passionate enough to sit down and write entire articles or posts are those songs or artists that I absolutely love. I'm rather young - or at least still a novice - so I'm trying to get over the gushing phase of writing about an artist I admantly admire but I do all my research before I brace a topic and go from there. To be honest, I'm probably not the greatest music writer in the universe because I never think objectively. I'm biased and a gigantic, loving fan of what I write about. I'm much better at writing about other things but that's also why music writing is so much more fun - it's the challenge added to the passion that equals the only thing I ever really feel like writing about (or talking about for that matter).
The National, of course, is the personification of everything I just said. They are the ultimate band that is so perfect it's almost as if the particles of everything I love in my brain came together and created them specifically for me to listen to. When I'm at work and put on a Youtube video of one of their recent performances, I get so riled up I immediately run over here and write a rambling, bumbling essay about how incredible they are and how I can't stop listening to Matt Berninger's voice. I work alone in a very large building so the companionship I get from music and video while at work is even more important. With The National, I never have to be critical or insensitive to someone's art - I always know I'll love it and I want anyone reading or passing by my blog to be a part of the greatness. To be honest as well, I like championing other people's artistic endeavors much more than my own. I'm able to write here, what I love doing more than anything, and yet also have the comfort of knowing it's the music people are coming to find, it's not my writing specifically, so the pressure is slightly off me.
ANYWAY, this was all brought on from this video:
Watching it just now brought memories of Radio City Music Hall to the front of my mind and this song particularly was a highlight for me that night. It's my favorite off High Violet and so incredibly different and emotionally charged that I have yet to get even a little tired of it. Every time I listen I expect the eerie feeling to finally wear off and it never does - the sign of a great song.
After watching that video I thought to myself, why do I suddenly feel like writing now when I had planned to write a Todd Rundgren post that I haven't had the energy to finish? Why do I always have to write about the same thing? It was driving me crazy so I figured I'd just get it out of my system and write about my feelings instead of trying to sound professional.
Thanks for reading.
26 June 2010
I Love Pre-Concert Discoveries
I learned a long time ago that it's not okay to say you like something because it's "good". I guess that means it's also not okay to say you like something because it's the best thing on earth.
Of course I'm speaking of The National. What else? I'm thinking of changing this blog's name to Music Maven: Because The National Sounds Good but it's a little corny - and not correct. They sound way better than good and I never want to listen to anything else. BUT, when I do get around to putting some other music in my ears, it helps if they're slightly associated with my favorite band in the world.
Enter The Rolling Stones and Hall & Oates.
So far I've been fortunate enough to catch two concerts on The National's official summer tour and both times the pre-show music (hopefully selected by the band?) was phenomenal. I wish I wrote down every song played but two standouts were "Beast of Burden" - Rolling Stones and "Out of Touch" - H&O. Particularly over the amazing sound system at Radio City Music Hall, these songs sounded so good I had to write them down and purchase them the next day. I should've already owned them. Both share a sexy, eerie quality that The National themselves master so well. "Out of Touch" particularly evokes this mood where the lights need to be low and shoulders need to be exposed if you know what I mean. It's an effortlessly cool sound that is perfect to open a concert like that.
I love pre-concert discoveries. I was really upset a couple years ago when I attended a She & Him show and the recorded music over the speakers was better than their real opening acts. It was this mixture of indie/classic country music that I desperately wanted to find out about. I went as far as googling some of the lyrics to one song and nothing came up. I searched online the next day to see if they had a list of the music they play before their set but no luck. If musicians have full official websites that give tons of information about their tour, their management, etc, the least they could do is add what music they play before their set! I know sometimes it's venue-chosen but when I hear the same music every time I see a band on tour, I start to grow fond of it and want to know who it is. John Mayer is another example of an artist who always has the best pre-set music but typically lame opening acts.
If you think about it, it takes a pretty bold musician to play something like The Rolling Stones before their own set. That's a lot to live up to. Once the audience who has been sitting (or standing) for two hours has "Beast of Burden" in their head, how can their songs measure up? The National has nothing to fear of course but other bands... on an unrelated note, in the film "Crazy Heart" Jeff Bridges' character is a country musician opening in a PNC Bank Arts Center-like venue for a younger, better known musician in one scene. During soundcheck, the sound guy is fighting with him saying that the sound is perfect while Bridges knows that his vocals are being drowned out. He then says that he'll stay on stage until the guy fixes it because he's been around long enough to know that technicians deliberately make the opening act sound bad so the main act sounds better. I don't know if that's true but it's something that is sort of stuck in my head now. Lately, I haven't seen many opening bands I've liked. Unfortunately.
But that pre-show music. Here's a sample of what I'm talking about. I'm now obsessed with these two songs. Next time I see The National I'm going to try to take note again and get some kind of full list of all the songs they play. Once again, I don't know who's choosing this music but they're rather remarkable. These songs fit the mood perfectly and get me into seeing a concert.
Photo courtesy of my Google image search. Sorry, don't know where it's from but I love it.
20 June 2010
Happy Father's Day
For 18 years now I haven't had anyone to call Dad. One of the most important words in the English language is not one that has ever really been in my vocabulary. My father was one of the most interesting, troubled, funny, weird characters I've ever heard of though. No father is perfect and mine was even further than most but I still feel unusually lucky. I'm not prepared to give a speech here or write a eulogy but my father was a musician - a brilliant drummer - and he looked the part to perfection. What I missed in time with him is continuously given back to me through music I know he loved and music I imagine he would've enjoyed. In my still 6 year old eyes, I see his curly blond hair and picture every blond musician as having a piece of my father's spirit. I see a man with big, broad shoulders with a little girl and see him and what I had at that age - for a little while at least. I remember his silver jewelry, skull collections, faded blue jeans, high top sneakers.. classic hair metal band style. I never used to miss him but I miss him everyday now. I don't have a single physical item of his but I have 50% of everything he was and that means a lot more. This blog wouldn't exist without him, my love of Led Zeppelin wouldn't exist without him, and my own face wouldn't exist without him so I owe him a lot. I feel a huge gaping hole inside when I think about it too much but I thought I'd take this second to pay a little homage to some music my father, the card carrying rock drummer, Chip "the Wolf" Pepe, loved.
Hanoi Rocks - Finnish rock band and a favorite of Guns 'N Roses.
Rose Tattoo - Wish I could remember the story about this but a few years ago I had my friend burn an entire cd of their music because I needed to know what they sounded like. They were one of his favorites.
And now a couple bands with frontmen who look like him:
Apparently he would sometimes get mistaken for Robert Plant. This is the most frequent story I hear when I ask about my dad. Now how many daughters can say that?
The brilliant and underrated Lee Michaels. I can't count the times my mom has told me the cover of his album "5th" looks like my dad. I got my own copy of the album last week.
When bands like The New York Dolls play at the venue I work at, he's always in the back of my head.. really he's always there.
Happy Father's Day.
Hanoi Rocks - Finnish rock band and a favorite of Guns 'N Roses.
Rose Tattoo - Wish I could remember the story about this but a few years ago I had my friend burn an entire cd of their music because I needed to know what they sounded like. They were one of his favorites.
And now a couple bands with frontmen who look like him:
Apparently he would sometimes get mistaken for Robert Plant. This is the most frequent story I hear when I ask about my dad. Now how many daughters can say that?
The brilliant and underrated Lee Michaels. I can't count the times my mom has told me the cover of his album "5th" looks like my dad. I got my own copy of the album last week.
When bands like The New York Dolls play at the venue I work at, he's always in the back of my head.. really he's always there.
Happy Father's Day.
11 May 2010
Listen to This: The National - High Violet
I'm afraid to even touch this topic. It's past 2:30am and I know it's already been said by others who are much more advanced in their musical musings but I want to say it:
The National's High Violet is one of the best albums I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe I don't have wonderful new words to describe its intensity and haunting beauty but I am obsessed. Obsessed in a way that doesn't fade after a few listens, obsessed in a way that continues to gain momentum with every listen and drive me crazy wondering how music like this can even be created. I can't decide which song is best because every song just keeps sounding better and better. I'm not well enough acquainted with these songs to give a full view of everything I'm thinking or will be thinking within a few more listens. You have to absorb these songs and give them time to settle in your brain. I give a lot of credit to someone who can write a coherent review of this without gushing all over it. There is not a single poor word to be said about this masterpiece. I don't even know how many layers fill up every second of each piece -- it makes me want to be a musician just so I can try to understand the complexity.
The amazing thing about Matt Berninger particularly is that he makes these incredibly complex, jarring, exquisite pieces relatable to even an untrained ear such as my own. His voice fills up the holes that inevitably occur for someone who can't translate the foreign language of these incredible instruments. His lyrics are both mystifying and real. This is not just music that sounds good (as my blog title would imply) - this is music that makes you feel something. And for that matter, it is not just "something" - it is the deepest, darkest part of your heart that is hardest to reach. It makes you remember that there is another layer of yourself as well.I can't even believe I'm saying these crazy things about a set of a few songs. It's not unusual for me to be extremely excited about my favorite music but I assure you, this is not just music. This is a sound reminding me that I have more in me than I even realize. I am in my early/almost mid twenties. I am in a weird place in my life that I often try to ignore. It is a scary time in anyone's life but even scarier to be this age in the times we live in. I get scared a lot. Matt Berninger's voice reminds me of this and yet makes me feel like I should be brave about these fears. He openly admits his feelings of fear, inadequacy, and confusion... not in any way I have ever heard though. It is sophisticated, endearing, full of space to place yourself in his position.
I may never find the right words to express how I feel when I hear The National. It is so different from any other music I have ever experienced. When you hear Sam Cooke sing "A Change is Gonna Come", you feel something deep inside your gut that tells you this is the real thing. The National has this in every song. It is realistically magical and unfathomably honest and stirring. Matt Berninger sings "doo doo doo doo" and you feel the earth move.
Photo from the brilliant Vanity Fair article, "Feasting on the National".
20 April 2010
Women Rock (Or I'm Not Very Creative With Blog Titles)
I was just on my new favorite site, http://8tracks.com/, and randomly decided to create a mix entitled "Women Rock". Yes, not that creative but it is full of songs that do not die: "I Love Rock 'n Roll" - Joan Jett, "Something to Talk About" - Bonnie Raitt, "I'm the Only One" - Melissa Etheridge, and the INCREDIBLE "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow.Actually, I'm not a big fan of female singers. That sounds bad but it is certainly not a conscious choice. It just so happens that my absolute favorite musicians always seem to be male. There is not a single female that makes it to my top 10 (well, Fleetwood Mac..).
Yet when I was going through a serious break up way back when, I immediately turned to Melissa Etheridge and Sheryl Crow religiously. Once again this was not a conscious choice but for some reason I gravitated towards their powerful voices and strong lyrics. This was about the time (early 2007) that I really started to learn about their music inside and out. I would go on a stationary bike and scream the words to "I'm the Only One" like the person I was directing it towards was right in front of me. It helped me blow off a lot of steam and I'm eternally grateful for this amazing music.
It wasn't until recently (as documented in another post) that I re-discovered Bonnie Raitt, another incredible female voice, and fell in love with women rockers all over again. Tonight I found myself listening to Heart, Stevie Nicks, and Patti Smith all in a row and enjoying it more than I could've imagined. These are voices I've heard all my life - with mixed feelings - and they've become part of my personal landscape. They're probably some of the only strong female influences I've ever known.
My cousin, who is an intense music lover in her own right, is a huge fan of female vocalists (although she'll deny that she has a particular preference) but they usually fall more on the pop side of the spectrum. If you're in her car for longer than ten minutes you're sure to hear Natasha Bedingfield, Katy Perry, or Shakira. She seems to rarely buy full albums these days but these are three of the most recent purchases. Although this strays very far from my taste, I don't think there's anything wrong with this of course. I just find it interesting that if you compare our personalities, she is actually very into having female friends. She is always telling me about a debacle with one of the women she works with or a friend that broke plans, etc. She is very into being around females. I am not. I have some of the most beautiful, intelligent, special girl friends - but very few. I can't stress how unconscious this is (I would love to have more female friends) but nevertheless I have never been a girl's girl. I'm very feminine and fashion obsessed but I'm usually not compatible with many females. They confuse me. Is that wrong to say? Probably but I don't mean it like that. I'm equally confusing and so is every guy out there. My female cat is a much less complicated person than anybody I've ever met. She also has great taste in music.
Point being, I wonder if there's a correlation between my cousin loving to be around girl friends and also loving female voices and me having few female friends and not particularly listening to female artists. I'm probably looking way too much into it but I find it an intriguing coincidence (and the fact that I usually like deeper, raspy voiced female singers).
Maybe I'm just high.
So, in celebration of you reading this post, here's a great list of some of my favorite songs by some incredibly inspiring and immensely talented females of all sounds and styles.
Stevie Nicks - Stand Back
Melissa Etheridge - I'm the Only One
Bonnie Raitt - Not the Only One
Sheryl Crow - My Favorite Mistake
Cher - Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves
Heart - Alone
Mary J. Blige - No One Will Do
Adele - Cold Shoulder
Etta James - I'd Rather Go Blind
Audra McDonald - Any Place I Hang My Hat is Home
Jewel - You Were Meant For Me
Mandy Moore - I Could Break Your Heart Any Day of the Week
Amy Winehouse - Valarie
Beyonce - Me, Myself, and I
Billie Holiday - Speak Low
Sharon Jones - Got a Thing on My Mind
Queen Latifah - Hello Stranger
Regina Spektor - Eet
Nina Gordon - Horses in the City
Rihanna - Rude Boy
Mary Wells - You Beat Me to the Punch
Alice Russell - Hurry on Now
Carrie Underwood - Last Name
Chrisette Michele - Best of Me
Corinne Bailey Rae - I'd Like To
Check out my playlists at http://8tracks.com/angelicadiamond
16 April 2010
Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie - You Were Young and So Was I
Music is such a strange animal. Although I was born in the mid/late '80's, I feel like I grew up with my mother and aunt's music more than my own. While it is true that I was obsessed with Paula Abdul and had a Michael Jackson button on my winter coat, it was the music playing on CBS FM 101.1, the "oldies" station, that I recall as the music of my childhood. I've probably said it before but it was Bobby Darin, The Spinners, and Bobby Vinton that I thought of as musical geniuses when I was younger. I remember getting so excited when "Beyond the Sea" would come on the radio. That song along with "Heat Wave", "I'll Be Around", any Chicago song, and another silly favorite "Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie" were the songs that would get me going. Between the ages of 3 and 11, I'm not sure that I knew any other music exisited. It wasn't until TLC and who knows what else that my friends in elementary school made me realize that it wasn't "cool" to like oldies.
Although I wanted to fit in, it took me years to finally appreciate new music as it came out. Maybe by eighth or ninth grade I got the hang of it (and I'm not too embarrassed to admit that I did like *NSYNC - I thought their vocal harmonies were excellent and I still do).
For a long time after discovering Pete Yorn, basically the artist who got me into the style of music I still most enjoy today, I let go of some beloved oldies tunes. I got so absorbed in new singer/songwriter music during my teen years that it wasn't of interest to me to listen to the same old songs I had been hearing since my youth.
Since high school that has dramatically changed. MOST of what I listen to today has harkened back to that time in my childhood when the only thing I wanted to hear was classic R&B. It's not the easiest thing to explain because my favorite musicians still are John Mayer and The National, but as a whole classic soul/R&B is my favorite genre to hear. While I can point to certain musicians like Sam Cooke, The Temptations, The Spinners, and Mary Wells specifically, it's really the songs like Jay & the Techniques "Apples, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie" that bring me back to that certain time in my own history that was the sweetest. It was a much simpler time for sure but also might have been the best time of my life musically.
I just downloaded that Jay & the Techniques song onto my iPod for the first time today and I've been listening to it nonstop. It is such a classic and gives me this wave of nostalgia that I quite enjoy.
Also, I should give credit where it's due: this post sort of came to me after reading about Phil Collins' new album full of motown covers, trying to give homage to the music of HIS youth that he claims to love most of all. I adore Phil Collins and although I was hoping, like many others, to hear some new material, I'm super excited for this new album.
So give this song a listen - and don't forget to check out more classic R&B on Amazon, iTunes, or wherever you get music.
14 April 2010
Something to Talk About
I've been an extreme John Mayer fan for almost a decade now and although I've gone through my fits of loving "Neon", "I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)", and "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room", I truly believe "Assassin" off his latest album Battle Studies is the absolute best of his career. For my ears it is one of the best songs I have ever heard. I am a huge lover of all kinds of music but this song has something so indescribably special about it. It is a sweeping, dramatic, dark, rock song with some of Mayer's best vocals and phenomenal guitar solos.
My absolute favorite part is when it breaks down in the middle with the bridge:
Suddenly I'm in over my head and I can hardly breathe
Suddenly I'm floating over her bed and I feel everything
Suddenly I know exactly what I did, but I can not move a thing
And suddenly I know exactly what I've done
And what it's gonna mean to me, mean to me
I'm gone
It is emotionally overwhelming. It's a perfect example of a song that goes outside the regular limits of a piece of music. It is not a song that stays within the confines of your headphones, it gets into your head and evokes a new feeling that sticks with you. A lot of John Mayer's songs do this for me but "Assassin" particularly has an inescapable net that gets me every time. There are so many different components all rolled into a nearly six minute song. It's an episode of a television show or a mini-movie.
There are a lot of biases that come with John Mayer's music for some reason and I'm aware of this. I know he's a love/hate celebrity and his voice is in that Conor Oberst/Bob Dylan category of such distinction that you either want to hear it all the time or think it's as bad as nails on a chalkboard but his musicianship cannot be denied. Even the biggest John Mayer haters recognize he is a brilliant guitarist first and foremost and his songcrafting skills are superb.
Forget "Say" or "Daughters" or any other schmaltz he has out on the radio, the real meat of any John Mayer album is in the deep cuts, the tracks you'll never hear on the radio (his best single, "Clarity", was rarely played after its release). Listen to a song like the bluesy "Come Back to Bed" off Heavier Things or my personal favorite "Covered in Rain" off Any Given Thursday and you'll hear the superior musicianship of a man far beyond his peers in terms of style, technique and ability. It's astonishing. This is a guy who has the nerve to cover "Bold as Love" and "Crossroads", two of the best-loved guitar tracks ever on his major label releases and actually pulls it off! (I don't completely understand his cover of "Crossroads" - chopping it up and making it jazzy but he makes it his own).
He is one of the only people I would EVER spend $100.00 a ticket on, let alone five times a year on some occasions. I may be a young female like the majority of his fans but you don't see a dude thirty times in a few years because he looks good - it is because he is a tremendous musician with the power and talent to put together some of the best concerts I have ever seen. His music is haunting, sophisticated, and sensual in a way that is usually reserved only for jazz. He is an absolute musical force. I don't care how dopey he is in his personal life.
There is a moment near the beginning of the new Tina Fey/Steve Carrell film "Date Night" where Tina's character is getting ready for a night on the town - "Heartbreak Warfare" begins playing and there is no dialogue during that time. When it came on, I immediately wanted to write a blog post about it: I completely fell in love with John Mayer's voice all over again. Embarrassingly I saw this movie alone (maybe because no one wants to be seen with a John Mayer freak?) and when the song came on, I felt like I was with an old friend. I probably would've felt this way about The National too but no other artist. Music is a faithful companion.
Embarrassingly once again, I can actually think of several times off the top of my head when John Mayer played at just the right time (during the written portion of my driving test, in the movie 'Serendipity', when I was sad in a supermarket..etc.). John Mayer and The National are probably better friends to me than most of my real life friends and definitely better than most of my distant family. And I believe if you all think hard enough about it you'll realize that your favorite musicians are the same way. Music is an all-encompassing, passionate art form that when used properly can take over every inch of your mind and body.
I'm in love.
(fan-made video that is really exceptional for John Mayer's "Assassin")
08 April 2010
Music I'm Downloading
Tonight, on a very slow night thus far, I got the idea to go through some of my cd's and rip some songs I have yet to transfer to my iPod. Although there are some incredible songs I've been missing for a long time and have little excuse, my original iPod back in 2006 (I was a late bloomer in the iPod department) could only store about 1800 songs and I was suprised how quickly that went. For a long time prior to getting my new and improved iPod late last year, I was deleting really good songs off my old one to make room for new favorites. It was a sad day anytime I had to let go of some songs - I had a method in which I would arrange my entire library from "date last played" and delete the songs that weren't played in a long time in addition to only being listened to twice or less. I figured it was less of a loss that way.
Luckily it's the dawn of a new era and I'm in a position to continue adding another 2000 songs to my new iPod (hopefully not all at once or that would defeat the purpose) but I'm in a good spot right now, spacially speaking.
So far tonight I've been focusing on adding more Jimi Hendrix and The Clash (as inspired by a college course I'm taking on "Authenticity in Pop Music"). I had "some" of this music already including a few Hendrix covers but I have these entire cd's that I used to listen to and just now am getting inspired to go back to them. In addition, I'm revisiting Bonnie Raitt's "Luck of the Draw" and John Mayer Trio's "Try" which I've been meaning to add for a long time now.
I absolutely love Bonnie Raitt's voice and always recall John Mayer saying in an interview that seeing her live is a phenomenal experience. Apparently she knows exactly the right place to add a fresh word to a worn song and a little extra scat or emotional pause. She is pretty unbelievable over headphones too. "Not the Only One" is a song I should've been listening to consistently for the past ten years. It breaks my heart in the best way possible - and that is not even beginning to speak of the beauty that is "I Can't Make You Love Me" - holy cow. If you want to kill yourself, be sure to put that on the record player first. It's painfully elegant.The Clash is a weird one for me. I will be honest and tell you that I don't know as much about them as I should. I know the titles of records and their biggest hits are my favorite of their songs. I'm not into the deeper cuts and "Rock the Casbah" was my ringtone right after high school. "Train in Vain" is one of my favorite songs ever and "Should I Stay or Should I Go" is really fun and a regular on playlists but other than that I can't claim to be a real fan. The only cd I ever gave a real, consistent listening to was "The Clash: The Singles" and I know that would be considered sacrilige to a true fan. Punk is something you have to grow accustomed to - like wine or Guinness. Oh but I must say "Spanish Bombs" is like a drug, I'm in love with it.
There's not too much you can say about Jimi Hendrix - or rather that I can say. I know some really die hard fans that would probably punch me in the nose for even trying to say anything about him. I really enjoy the sound of his music and I know he's a genius guitarist without being a guitarist myself. I can't read music and I don't know much about guitars beyond Guitar Hero but I LOVE - unabashadly love - the sound of good guitar playing. It's one of the most incredible things about music. Eric Clapton, George Harrison, John Mayer and Jimi Hendrix are all in my Top 20 favorite musicians of all time with the first three being in the top 10. I haven't given much time to thinking about whether or not it's generic to like those four but I will say I also love and greatly appreciate Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jeff Beck, Carlos Santana, B.B. King, and Robin Trower so maybe by proxy alone I'm not a total guitar idiot.And of course there's nothing left to say about John Mayer. On April 12th the presale begins for his summer tour and you can bet I'll be at more than one of those shows although I've already seen him three times in the past five months. It's revolting, I know, but the greatest feeling in the world is being at a John Mayer concert. There is something about that music that feels like home.
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