29 September 2009


Today has been strange.

In two of my classes there were guest lecturers that gave such invigorating speeches - in such different ways - that I was left with too much information in the end.

The first was a young author who explained her book of short stories to my small writing class. At first, if I'm being "honest" here, I wasn't sure what to make of her or her writing. I wasn't sure if I could relate much to anything she was about, and I'm still not sure, but her honesty was jarring. I ended up getting that fuzzy feeling in my eyes when you're staring at something for too long by the end of class because I couldn't stop looking at her when she spoke. She seemed like she was coming from such a truthful place in her storytelling that I was kind of amazed. I liked watching someone talk about themselves for so long in a way that didn't make me feel excluded from their observations. Her stories on paper were good but not nearly as interesting in depth as her human form telling us all these things about her life so candidly. I wish more people would just get in front of a class and tell a portion of their life story. I'd be more inclined to go to school..

The second lecturer was in my theatre class. Bill Bowers, a really excellent mime and stage actor, came to perform a couple pantomime pieces he wrote in the style of Charlie Chaplin, his idol. The same thing happened with this man as the author - at first I wasn't sure I could get past my initial reaction to his image. He came across as so over the top and obnoxious that I felt like I didn't need to see it. It seemed stereotypical of a traditional theatre actor to be crazy and overly expressive with his face but by the end I was leaving voice messages on my boyfriend's phone that we need to break up because I'm in love with a mime (I fall in love with passion ALL THE TIME). He was so interesting and heartbreaking and funny and dynamic that I couldn't get enough. I wanted to stay in my seat when class was over just to watch him interact with the professor. Once he spoke for awhile his vivid expressions became endearing and he too spoke of honesty within art.

There was so much emphasis on honesty today that it made me nervous. Why is it so difficult to be honest? And this goes for acting, writing, real life...

What is it about the truth that makes it so difficult to accept?

Of course there's billions of truths in the world and in our own lives that it's impossible to put them all into one container and label it the same but there has to be something about the term in general that makes people nervous and unsure about how to get it across.

I hide the truth all the time but I almost never lie. I'm not only horrible at lying but even worse at disguising my true emotions. My favorite thing in the world is being expressive and truthful so I guess it confuses me when other people, particularly artists, are stressing "being honest" so much in their lectures. Why would that be such a focal point of explaining art? And why are we TRYING to be honest? Why can't we just be... honest?

I know it has nothing to do with music but actually it does if you want to push it that far. Musicians have to be honest just like any other art form. I think probably most with music - there's really no hiding when you're pouring your heart out in lyrics and vocals. Even drumming. Even any instrument.

I just watched a youtube video on the difference between dancing the merengue and salsa. I don't know how to dance but god, those videos really made me wish I could. They are so incredibly passionate and there's something really honest in moving your body so close to someone else's expecting that they'll know the right way to move with you. The eroticism in that is incredible. Being truthful is kind of erotic in general - for me at least. Maybe my mother had a good collection of old records but hell, she did not know how to dance the merengue. I'm sort of wishing it was the other way around now. I'm also sort of wishing I could dance with a tall, feathered hair, older gentleman but wishing don't often come true, huh?

So, the truth. I might be honest but I still don't get it.

My only complaint: They're smiling too much - smiling isn't that sexy, is it?

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